I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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