yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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