does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
