It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
