Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
