At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
