You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
