I'm going to jail i love you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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