Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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