I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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