does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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