so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
