I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
