he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm eating all of the evidence.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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