I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
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