Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I stole a fireplace last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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