i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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