Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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