He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
