Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
