in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
