I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
