It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
