u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
