dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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