He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
