I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
