Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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