i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize