omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
