He kissed a someone with a penis
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
