Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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