Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
where are my eyebrows?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
