I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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