I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
