Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
