her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
