party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
