He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
