what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
