We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
