You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
