he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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