question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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