hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize