i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
