definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
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I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
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I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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