I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
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