so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
