his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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