I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
