He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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