so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
