Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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