I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
