Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
