I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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