My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Every concussion has its silver lining
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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