There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
