direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you had me at cake vodka
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
