Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
