I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
