I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
