i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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