He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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