I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
