I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
