I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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