I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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