Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
