This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
